I guess everyone is quite familiar with this phrase Dowry. A common practice among African countries, a practice without it no marriage seems complete, a practice that affirms a woman is loved and a man is capable of loving a woman, a practice that its quantity determines how much respect one should expect in that marriage, a practice that breeds violence, a practice if not carefully thought during the process leaves the newlywed nothing but debt to pay ever after, a practice that gives pride to families because finally, they negotiated a deal! Oh, what a deal young lovers got into!!
In many communities when a lady is to be married, her man ‘must’ pay dowry which in most societies signifies different things, others say it’s an appreciation to the bride’s family for taking care of their daughter, others cling to cultural practice. Anyway, there are many reasons that become individualistic than communal.
Paying dowry during the marriage process is one thing, how to get that dowry is another but the impact of that paid dowry on the young couple is way another thing. In many communities’ young men are under utmost pressure to look for dowry which in most cases are ridiculously high, the most affected set of men are those that are financially unstable or have no other sources of income to buy goats, cows, etc. Many have been forced to steal hence causing inter and intracommunal circles of violence.
Recently I traveled to another part of South Sudan where intercommunal violence has become a norm for generations. I had a casual conversation with a young man in his early twenties when I asked how he obtained his dowry to marry. He told me of how he almost got killed by another community when he went raiding for more cows because the family of the lady wanted 60 heads of cattle. Unlike in towns where a monetary exchange is allowed, in the village dowry is paid according to the norms of each society, in his case they pay dowry informs of cattle. This young man managed to raid the cattle and gave them to the lady’s family and they formed their small nuclear family. According to him, in that marriage, his responsibility is to wait for the woman to look for food, cook it and give him for life, do all the house duties because his job is done ‘looking for dowry and paying for it. So the wife gets to take care of him. And he? He gets to enjoy the fruits of his ‘hard work’. Keeps one asking is it love or was he looking for a servant?
Anyway, this simply means the woman is the breadwinner of the family, even when she is pregnant, she works until the days she gives birth and days after delivery she has the right to get back to taking care of her husband else call a relative to cook for her husband. The marriage has become about the comfort and wellbeing of the man.
I don’t know about you but dowry is toxic in pre-marriage and post-marriage situations. The ridiculous amount to pay, the debt the couple has to pay, the biased violence that emerges especially against the woman, is all toxic, all for what? Marriage whose only crime is love?
Get rid of that thing called DOWRY!
Apart from all that you have mentioned, this dowry thing has also downgraded very many young men that were not able to pay up to the expectation of the bride’s family. These young men are not being respected and looked down on and also seen as irresponsible husbands inspite of them trying their best.
One more thing is that we all know that marriage is not a one day thing , it’s a process hence it takes some time and patience and as for some individuals it even takes years after marriage Inorder to complete their dowry but in that process the family of the lady denies the man ownership of his own children that they don’t belong to you people because you haven’t finished paying the dowry which means that the children belong to the girls family not until the man complets the dowry
Apart from all that you have mentioned, this dowry thing has also downgraded very many young men that were not able to pay up to the expectation of the bride’s family. These young men are not being respected and looked down on and also seen as irresponsible husbands inspite of them trying their best.
One more thing is that we all know that marriage is not a one day thing , it’s a process hence it takes some time and patience and as for some individuals it even takes years after marriage Inorder to complete their dowry but in that process the family of the lady denies the man ownership of his own children that they don’t belong to you people because you haven’t finished paying the dowry which means that the children belong to the girls family not until the man complets the dowry