Ones I observed an introverted friend in his late 30s, very quiet no one would ever tell whether he talks to anyone or not, he is very distant from social life no parties, no drinking, no clubbing, no smoking, no social gathering, no close friends, no close family friends he easily talked to. Yet a very intelligent person with untapped ideas, I knew this after I asked for his input into an idea that I was working on. He mostly enjoys his own company doing his own things. We became friends for a long time. I really wanted to know his story, it looks like he needed to say something but no one gave him a space to say what he wanted to say. One day we sat on a veranda where he usually likes to chill and I popped out the question “What was your childhood like? That’s after telling him about my childhood memories, the good and the bad.
He couldn’t answer so I twisted the question to make him feel comfortable “what would you say are your favourite childhood memories?
“I didn’t have-a good childhood memories as such, maybe that’s why am what I am today. And he chuckles!
Ok? But today you are an amazing and an intelligent person. – I said to him
“I don’t fear people like what I hear some people say, am just distant from people because that’s how I was brought up. While young, we were not tolerated to talk to visitors or even allowed to greet them in distance, my environment was very tense all the time, we couldn’t even play in the compound let alone in the neighborhood like how other kids would, I knew only my room and not talking to anyone. And that continued until I left the house in my 20s”.
From how he speaks his traumatic childhood memories still haunts him, it has greatly affected his social life with his surrounding and with people, it has had a huge impact on his career he said he barely gets a job because he doesn’t have the confidence and practical knowledge of the job world. He felt like his life was a total failure.
All this would have been avoided if only he had a childhood upbringing that appreciated him a bit, boosted his confidence, opened doors to people and children that he talked to.
Childhood upbringing has a huge toll or impact on children, many times parents think beating, threatening, and insulting a child would usually make him or her upright but they fail to look at the future of the child. They fail to acknowledge the broken humans they brought up will have to live a traumatized life in their entire adult life unless they do something about it.
It becomes worse when traumatized people do not realize that they are traumatized hence cannot explain the root causes of their trauma, which means they have to believe they are what they have become whether the impact is violence or silence.
Was so good to hear this friend of mine rewriting his fate. He for sure knows what he wants and how to get it.
“But am trying to come out of this life style, because I wouldn’t want my children go through what I went through” he said
Are parents or relatives more traumatized that they have to exert their anger on their children? Who gets to help the other if that’s so?
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