What a time to be alive to see more young lovers on the street of South Sudan, not just young lovers but young individuals who consented to spend the rest of their lives together. This means, there is some reduction in forced marriages (marrying someone off to someone against their will or when they are not ready).
In my early teens, I was always scared of what would become of my fate as a girl when marriage conversation encroached on our compound. This is because I have seen girls booked for marriage at a very young age mostly to men abroad in either USA, Australia, and Europe. I have seen girls kidnapped for marriages, I have seen girls whose futures have been discussed by relatives who contributed nothing to their upbringing, and mothers left to cry with their children because they don’t have much say in their children’s future.
There is this one particular incident that I will never forget.
There is this girl who was a teenager (not so sure of her age though), anyway- one day in the evening, we were swimming in Yei Kaare (a stream in Yei River County), she was dressed in panty and soft bra and of course, I had nothing on my chest to hide so I was swimming without a bra but a ‘lubas’ (panty) only. There is a 5 feet point on the stream where kids like us would just jump and dive into the water and then swim and have fun. Before jumping, I saw a silver car commonly known as ‘My Car’ (corolla) approach the women’s side where all females swim or washcloths etcetera. This car parked right at the steep side where many ladies were swimming including this girl. Two guys got out of the car and one remained at the driver’s seat. One of the two guys sent a young girl who was washing dishes to call the lady from the river. The young girl rushed and informed the lady in the water, so she came out of the water to meet them while wrapped in a ‘lesu’ (cotton laced cloth used as a towel). The moment she reached out her hand to greet the guys, they grabbed her feet by both guys. The wrapped lesu fell when they were forcing her into the car. When she tried to resist and scream, one of the guys pressed his hands in her mouth and drove off at a high speed heading to the side of Morobo-Kaya-Koboko (the road leading to the Ugandan border).
Just like the rest of the girls and women in the river, I was wondering what just happened to the girl, was she in trouble and why did the car head to the opposite side of town, to Uganda?
Until the car disappeared in a distance, there was confusion in the air and weirdly no police or anyone followed the car that very moment. I had no idea what happened to her!
The following day I returned to the same stream to catch up with gossip and hear what happened to the lady.
This is what happened;
1. She got done with P7 from Uganda and was on her vacation, getting ready to enroll in high school.
2. The lady was known in her area as one of the most beautiful ladies and so she was being “Eyed” (admired) by many men around and rumors have it that anytime she would be kidnapped by any of the men, which means the competition was on who takes her first for himself.
3. She was kidnapped by one of the competitors who rushed her to Uganda.
What made this incident mind-blowing was the fact that the guys who humiliated this lady publicly, sent a word back to the family that they have their daughter they should never worry and that she is in ‘good hands. There was jubilation in the girl’s house that day. May be celebrating that finally, the girl got a suitor!!!
Ok, so much is so wrong here if not everything, first the girl was humiliated and dragged into the car naked, of which there is a high chance that they might have abused her in the process of screaming for help. Worst of all, her family who might (definitely) heard how their daughter was kidnapped and dragged from the river, celebrated this inhumane act. If that was you how would you feel if not betrayed?!!
This incident was one of the many stories I have heard and seen of girls whose dignities were ripped off due to toxic marriage practices that tolerate these inhumane acts in the name of marriage. Such uncouth practices empowered the abusers and mentored more abusers to follow suit. From time and again we would hear ‘Jena Felan nyakamu’ (so and so’s a child is kidnapped).
It was very rare to hear of consented marriages happening. It was always against the girl’s will or choice.
Looking back to today it gives me so much happiness and hopes to see more young people willingly and wholeheartedly want to spend the rest of their lives with each other, whichever way they want,- these days the marriages have been spiced by pre and post marriage events like ‘bridal showers, henna parties, ‘akulu samak’, introductions, traditional marriages and then the white wedding, before you know it’s already “baby shower or others decide not to have children right Way (which is super ok too).
What I observed so amazing in all these marriage processes lately, unlike in the past, the couple share financial burden to make their celebrations colorful. And above all when shit doesn’t work out, you step out!!
I think there is a need to celebrate this visible change and hoping that in 30 years to come forced marriage, child marriage, dowry madness would be history! And there will be more happy couples who would raise their children differently from what their parents raised them.